Comments on: “I’m not gifted . . . I’m a woman!”

By: Miriam Pia

Miriam Pia — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 10:15:42 +0000

This was sort of weird for me. In truth, I wasn’t nearly as negative about being a girl and woman who is gifted than the way the article reads. What has bothered me, is that I have actually ‘caught flack’ about it as a grown woman – most painfully from an also gifted but not labeled German males spouse/post spouse. Realizing the way it has shaped my expectations and attitudes. Recent challenges within this region: how to make the most of my abilites? How to address this without making too big a deal of it and without pretending its not ‘real’.
Learning to cope better with my learning process: having often been a perfectionistic child and dealing with the truth that people can be fired for making mistakes in working life – the main thing is the steep difference between something I’m good at at something I’m not particularly adept at learning and freaking out over the difference. The only time I like it if others don’t know I’m gifted is when I make mistakes during the learning process and if they don’t know, – it has to do with reacting to it. That and me and the son – are we Mensa or not, do we want to be. I had thought I was a shoe in but in truth I’m more like a borderline case of not quite or just barely…my son might do better than me or about the same let alone maybe not quite as well – not sure. Weird feelings about it. I’ve had Mensa members for friends and they told me they felt I would fit in.

By: Mo

Mo — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 11:31:48 +0000

Late to reply to a late comment, but Gina: What does class have to do with (non)giftedness? If you’re gifted, why are you asking whether meanness is “okay” — surely you’ve noticed that it’s up to you to decide and live your values, in an often hypocritically-valued, unreflective world? You come across as a foggy-thinker feeling sorry for herself here, not as an “abused” gifted person. As far as my values go, heaping insults on a class of women is not “okay”, it is itself abusive. There are alternatives to such “meanness” beyond “niceness” and martyrdom: start by simply living up to the capacities of your intelligence. Be true to yourself, but not cruel to others.

And Christopher, for a large part, “80% of consumer buying decisions” means women buy more crap, as astonishing proportion of which is products to construct their feminine identities. Purchasing power does not equal social power, per se.

I’ve arrived at this particular post looking to feel better about the introduction to the overall site, a snippet of which suggests that young women are innately woo-able by shiny things. Right.

Christopher, I’m happy to see your encouraging-side on the subject of gifted women. I would only urge you to lessen your focus on women’s economic positioning slightly, to (re)read more gifted women’s philosophy (Virginia Wolf, Simone de Beauvoir, Emma Goldman, and much etc.) in order to (re)understand the ornate identity-constructions that gifted women have been architecting themselves for eons now.

My favourite gifted woman character in literature is Ivich, in “The Age of Reason” by Jean Paul Sartre. She is very gifted and struggling with it (like Gina, driven to drink by her alienation, and miserable in the face of the arbitrary social customs of being a woman). Poor Jean did a bad job trying to write a light read, but in general, the three central women characters in this novel seem rounder and realer than most in literature to this day (I dare say this was in part the influence of his partner, Simone de Beauvoir).

What would we do without books?

By: Gina

Gina — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 22:01:18 +0000

When people learn that you’re gifted they expect you to be like a machine in your replies and answers. I find lower class women to be kind of like monkeys and squirrels. They begin chimping around and I end up angry.

Gosh, Wally, where’s Margaret Mead when you need her.

Is it okay to be gifted and mean? Or do I have to be nice all of my life and take all of this abuse?

I drink occasionally to deal with this.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 15:48:14 +0000

Excellent post, and excellent comments! I love how you are honest about your inner little boy. I wish more people could be.

There I go with my usual complaining about “most people”, hence the reason I found the comment about “whining” especially helpful! I am going to try to take that one to heart.

Thank you for helping me feel less alone! I often feel like I am too concerned with justice, too sensitive, think too much. Mainly because other people have told me so. It feels good to think I am perfectly okay the way I am!

By: Lorraine

Lorraine — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 01:52:56 +0000

You’re right! Absolutely right! Too much for people – and here I thought it was me! It is very difficult to accept that I’m gifted because I’ve been told all my life that I was too sensitive, too intense, too driven, too idealistic, too moral, too honest – and, truly, too much period. And yet I couldn’t be any other way – when I went to the daVinci exhibit, I felt right at home – diversity, intensity, scope – it was amazing! When I read your article, I felt the same way – finally, I found a “home” of sorts – someone who understands the way I am and it’s not a bad thing – thank you for this article!

By: Melanie

Melanie — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 13:11:22 +0000

I am happy that you are asking gifted women to claim their label, after all “The hand the rocks the cradle rules the world.” We can be Moms and gifted and model for our children what excellence, fulfillment, and acceptance looks like. It may be that we are happy being Moms and that our greatest work (above all the eminent things we’ve done) is to raise our children to love and accept themselves and their gifts. They will go out into the world as whole and healthy people who might also be a force for change. The choice to be a full time Mom was not second-best or what I had to do because I had a baby, it was my first choice and done with great joy. I had my children at 41, had done many things before that, and will have time to do many more after they are raised. After all, I will only be in my 60′s when they are gone to college. I can be a wise crone, a force for change, still a Mom, role model, and gifted woman.

By: Douglas Eby

Douglas Eby — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 20:30:01 +0000

Thanks for a very stimulating post. Here are a couple of related quotes:

“There are too many stupid girls in the media. Hermione’s not scared to be clever.” Emma Watson about her character in the “Harry Potter” films.
From my post
http://womenandtalent.com/62/

M. Scott Peck has noted, “Many who are truly superior.. are reluctant to consider themselves ‘better than’ or ‘above’ others, in large part because a sense of humility accompanies their personal and spiritual power.”

In his book “The Road Less Traveled and Beyond” he describes his interview with a young woman: “‘I don’t want to be a whiner’ [she said]. ‘Then you’ll need to learn how to accept your superiority’ I retorted. ‘My what? What do you mean?’

“Jane was dumbfounded. ‘I’m not superior.’ ‘All your complaints [I said] – your whining, if you will – center around your probably accurate assessment that your dates aren’t as smart as you, your professors aren’t as humble as you, and your fellow students aren’t as interesting as you.’”

From my post Celebrating giftedness: You may be gifted – get over it
http://highability.org/67/

By: Phyllis Horne

Phyllis Horne — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:18:52 +0000

Christopher, as usual, very insightful, meaningful and thought provoking. I have big news for you on Friday specifically relevant to “Power is confronting “the demons that prevent us as human beings from living up to our full potential.” – Cheryl Dorsey, MD, President, Echoing Green”. I’m looking forward to it. Also will pass this on to several of my gifted female friends! ph